Otaku Corp: You Say Otaku Like It's a Bad Thing
by UnderdogAngel
Summary: I don't know why I'm so nervous about my first big mission. Maybe I'm just worried about messing up. But how hard could it be? It's just quelling our active imaginations, not stalking. Rated for some language. Dedicated to Vietta. -Side note: Not yaoi.-


**Somehow, Vietta and I got on a conversation concerning guys. We talked about age, height, and -our personal favorite- smell. This is what inspired this crazy oneshot. Hope you get some amusement out of it, because we had some pretty interesting ideas on the subject ;D And, according to her, it's not being a creeper -it's having an active imagination! So there x]**

**So, Vietta, this is for youse. ^.^**

**-You Say "Otaku" Like It's a Bad Thing-**

"You sure about this?" Her quiet, nervous voice echoed off the thin walls of the air duct, making her shake. Whether it was from fear of being caught or excitement that she shook, even she didn't know.

"Stop being paranoid." The second girl layed on her stomach, peering through a vent on the bottom of the duct. She exhaled quietly. "Ah, here it is..." she said to herself. She looked at her partner, who looked both nervous and happy. "You gonna be okay?"

"Yup!" she replied. "I'll be just fine."

"So you've got the plan down?"

"Of course! Why wouldn't I? I _did_ help come with it, after all."

"That you did. So you ready?"

Her eyes widened. "What? Now?"

She gave her a look. "We're already in the air duct, aren't we? Come on. Open the vent."

The other girl sighed and tugged small screwdriver out of a holder around her ankle. This was her first real mission inside Shinra, and she was nervous about blowing it and the mission failing. She knew she'd never hear the end of it if that happened.

Right about now, you're probably wondering who these girls are? Well, all you really need to know are their names. The blue-green-eyed brunette with the screwdriver was Kallie, and the deep-blue-eyed brunette grinning at what was in the room below was Takara. The two friends had decided to embark on this dangerous and sensitive mission to...shall we say, satisfy their curiosity? You'll see what I mean.

Kallie quietly removed the screws, and Takara caught the vent cover before it fell, which would surely have been followed by a loud clattering sound. Takara pulled the grate up beside her, noiselessly setting it againt the side of the duct.

Kallie breathed a short sigh of relief. So far, so good.

Takara grinned at her. "After you?"

Kallie gulped. She'd jumped down out of ducts before. Why was she so nervous about this particular mission? Maybe it involved the identity of her target, but we'll come to that later.

Before she could think about it too much (or before Takara just pushed her down), Kallie eased herself through the small opening. She hung onto the egde with her fingers, swinging down into the room.

No lights flashed on. No alarms sounded. The two were a bit surprised. They were only breaking into a storage room, but, still, this _was_ Shinra they were sneaking into.

Kallie dropped down on the cement floor, making sure to land as quietly as possible. She turned in a small circle, her eyes adjusting to the dark as she made her sweep. "Clear."

As soon as the whispered word left Kallie's lips, Takara made her dismount from the duct, landing quietly next to Kallie. "Right. Let's get to work." She crossed the small room, reaching a hand out to the wall to find the light switch. She knew it was there because she'd memorized the layout of the room from schematics in the database. She even knew that there were handguns hidden in the walls in case of emergency. That was Shinra for you.

Kallie blinked against the lights when Takara switched them on, and looked around. Suits of all sizes hung around her on racks. Shoes sat beneath them, also in various sizes. One thing was the same: Everything was black, save the white collared shirts.

Takara walked decidedly to a rack, looked at two suits, took one off the rack, and tossed it to Kallie. "Put this on."

"How do you know it'll fit?" Kallie asked as Takara bent down to look at the shoes on the floor.

"I memorized the whole layout, remember?" She tossed a pair of shoes as Kallie's feet.

"And that includes the inventory as well?" Kallie asked, taking off her black sneakers. She wondered if Takara knew all the suits in there by measurement, not just by size, since she was at least half a foot taller than Kallie. It wasn't like Takara could grab two of identical size and they'd both fit both of them. One would be swimming, and the other would be in highwaters, if you follow that train of thought.

Takara grinned. "Yep."

Apparently, Kallie's supposition was right.

**;;;;;**

Kallie crouched down in front of the door. She cracked it open, peering out into the hallway.

Takara stood behind her, adjusting the black tie around her neck. "Geez, I totally get why he hates wearing these," she said to herself.

"May I remind you that it was _your_ idea to disguise ourselves as Turks?" Kallie whispered.

"Hey, it was either this or secretaries. And that would've worked it Rufus was our target."

Kallie laughed softly, shaking her head.

"You got yours?" Takara asked.

Kallie rocked back from the door, lifting up the side of her jacket to get at her holster. "Yep. You?"

"Yep." Takara took a deep breath as Kallie stood up and adjusted the black fingerless gloves on her hands. "Alright. Let's do this." She walked over to the door, grabbing the handle. She gave Kallie a pointed look. "And act calm, right?"

Kallie nodded quickly. "Right. I can do that! Nooo problem."

Takara wanted to facepalm. Kallie was the newest addition to the team, and could best be described as overactive. She wasn't yet as level-headed as Takara, who'd been on more missions than she could count. Still, Kallie got the job done, and she knew her stuff. It was just that sometimes she'd be so focused on not messing up that she would mess up, or she'd be too excited to notice some obvious lead.

Kallie's blue eyes were always wide and looking around, taking everything in, while Takara's were usually more narrow, looking at details. This contrast made them a good team.

"Whatever," Takara said. "Let's just go."

With that, the two exited the storage room, walking as if they actually did belong there. And the grunts, SOLDIERS, and Turks that passed by were none the wiser.

They'd done it. They were in. Now they just had to locate the targets, do the job, and get out in one piece.

"Where are they supposed to be?" Kallie asked quietly, running a hand through her hair.

"Neither of them are on a mission at the moment."

Takara had been sure to time it so that would be the case, otherwise the whole mission would've been a bust. And there was no way they could take a shot each at the targets. No, they had to, as the saying goes, "kill two birds with one stone." They had to get both targets in this one shot, or all their work and research would be made pointless.

"So I'm guessing they're either wandering the halls, sitting in the cafeteria, or in their offices."

Kallie raised an eyebrow at her.

"Okay, so they're most likely _not_ in their offices."

"Right," Kallie said. "So how are we supposed to find them?"

"Like this." Takara tapped a passing grunt on the shoulder. "Excuse me. We're looking for a Turk and a SOLDIER 1st Class. One's a red-head, got tattoos under his eyes, probably off smoking somewhere. The other's got black spiky hair, about six feet tall, and most likely carrying around a seven-foot-long sword. They were both probably last seen either running from Tseng or Sephiroth."

Kallie struggled to keep her expression calm and cool. _Could it really be that easy?_ she wondered. _We just ask someone, and they point them out to us? Without the slightest little suspicion creeping into their minds? It'd be a miracle if-_

"Oh, yeah," the grunt said. "You mean Reno and Zack?"

"That's them," Takara replied with a smile. "Have you seen 'em?"

"In fact, I just saw them on the Turk floor. Near the break room, I think."

"Thanks a bunch!"

Takara could make anyone believe that she was a perky, somewhat ditzy kind of girl, when in fact she was one of the deadliest operatives the agency had. Somewhat the same story with Kallie. Had that grunt said that he suspected something, neither girl would've thought twice about taking him out.

Nothing could compromise this mission. Nothing.

Takara tapped Kallie on the shoulder and nodded for her to follow.

Kallie exhaled. "I never thought it'd be that easy."

Takara chuckled. "Yeah, well...you learn pretty quick that grunts are dense, and somewhat moronic."

"Got that right," Kallie said, glancing over her shoulder. "So to the Turk floor we go?"

"Onward and upward," Takara confirmed.

The two climbed into an elevator, and Takara pushed the button they needed as if she'd pushed it multiple times every day for months. She was a pro at blending in.

Meanwhile, next to her, Kallie was running over the plan in her head, telling herself not to forget anything. She was still in this distracted state when she followed Takara off the elevator. Which was probably why Takara grabbed her by the collar and yanked her over around a corner and against the wall.

"Hey! What the-?"

Takara clamped her hand over Kallie's mouth. "Shh! I hear him."

"Really?" Kallie asked, pushing Takara's hand away.

Takara smirked. "I'd know that voice anywhere."

They listened as a conversation drifted down the hall to where they were hiding.

**;;;;;**

Reno laughed. It was difficult not to, what with the look Zack had on his face and all.

"So you're telling me the general actually played a trick on _you_?" Reno shook his head. "That's what'cha get for all those pranks you pulled on him."

"None of those were _intentional_, and you know it," Zack argued. "I just don't see how kidnapping Steve and making me look for him -and making me work for those Gongaga lemon cookies- is 'revenge.'"

Reno smirked, raising an eyebrow. "Steve?"

"That's his name, okay?" Zack snapped. "Don't you name anything you have? Oh, wait, I forgot. Reno, Jr."

"Don't remind me," Reno said. "I'll get Tseng for stepping on my little Reno, Jr."

"I think making him sit through that puppet show was punishment enough." Zack rolled his eyes. _At least I'm _creative_ when I name stuff, _he thought._ You don't see me walking around calling every bug that crosses my path "Zack, Jr."_

Zack heard something, and snapped his head up. It sounded like...someone gasping. "Did you hear something?"

"Hmm?" Reno asked, an unlit cigarette balanced between his lips. "No. Why? What'd you hear?"

"Sounded like..." Zack shook his head. "Never mind."

"I think the Wutai air has finally affected your brain," Reno said, lighting his cigarette.

Zack fanned away the smoke. "Do you _have_ to light that in here?"

Reno grinned. "Occupational hazard."

"What occupation?"

"Of being a nicotine addict." He exhaled deeply, spreading smoke all across the hallway.

**;;;;;**

_Crazy insane luck is what we've got here_, Kallie thought, listening to Zack and Reno's conversation. _Both the targets in the same hallway as us _at the same time. _Gaia loves us today!_

Takara signaled the plan of attack with her hands, gesturing to the two Shinra operatives just around the corner from them.

Kallie signaled back that she understood, and then asked in the same manner if they were to use the way of escape they'd discussed.

Takara replied that, yes, that was still the escape plan.

The two then crouched down and peeked around the corner at their targets. They just had to wait for the right moment.

There was no going back now.

**;;;;;**

"So why don't you quit?" Zack asked, resisting the urge to cough.

Reno shrugged. "Guess I'm too lazy." He turned and looked out the nearby window. "So I pickle my insides in the process of being lazy."

"Great life," Zack said dryly.

Reno chuckled. "You have no id- AHH!"

Zack looked over to see Reno on the ground, a girl holding him down. She looked like a Turk, but he'd never seen her before.

Reno, meanwhile, was muttering curses and trying to break free of the hold the girl had on him.

Zack was about to pull the girl off Reno, when he suddenly found his own face having an up-close-and-personal meeting with the floor. He craned his neck to see that another girl was holding him down.

Among all the thoughts that wondered who these two were and why they were attacking him and Reno, a thought crossed Zack's mind.

_This is just embarrassing. A Turk and a SOLDIER 1st Class being held down by two girls. There's definitely something wrong with this picture._

Zack tried to wriggle from her grasp, but the girl was holding his wrists too tightly.

"Dammit! What the hell?" Reno practically shouted.

The one holding him practically slapped her hand over his mouth. "Shut up, Reno."

"What's going on here?" Zack asked, trying to sound more calm than he was really feeling.

"Just calm down," the girl holding him said. "Both of you." She reached up and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

_Great,_ Zack thought. _Now she's holding me down with just her weight and _one hand. _If Sephiroth gets wind of this, my reputation is _gone.

"We don't want to hurt you," the taller one said. "But we will if we have to."

"What the hell do you want?" Reno asked. Clearly, he'd learned that he shouldn't yell if he didn't want another slap in the face.

"Nothing much," the second girl said. "All you two have to do is hold still. We don't want to cause a scene here, do we?"

Reno and Zack certainly didn't want that, mostly considering they didn't want any Shinra employee seeing them like this.

_There sure as hell better not be cameras in this hallway,_ Reno thought angrily. _It'll be the Rude-punching-me-in-the-face incident all over again._

Both girls looked up at each other, nodded once, then went in to do what they came to do.

Reno and Zack were more than surprised when the girls leaned down close to them, their faces practically touching. Both thought for a fleeting moment that these girls could still be high-class assassins sent to kill them, but about five seconds later, they knew that that couldn't be the case.

The girls breathed deeply, eyelids fluttering. Then, smiling, they looked at each other and nodded again.

**;;;;;**

Takara jumped up off Reno, kicking the window open. She then pulled her gun from her holster and aimed at the nearest building.

Kallie got up off Zack and followed suit as quickly as she could.

They looked at each other, nodded, then fired. Cables shot from their guns, hooks latching onto the next building. They then turned and smiled at their bewildered targets, who were just starting to pick themselves up off the floor.

"Congratulations, you two," Takara said, smiling. "You've confirmed our hypothesis. I'm Takara."

"I'm Kallie," Kallie chimed in. "And you have just been poned by the Otakus."

Both girls tightened the cables and jumped up on the windowsill. They smiled at the two one last time. "Have a nice day!" And then they jumped off, swinging from the window and away from Shinra.

They put their legs out, ready to bounce themselves off the next building. They did so, then started retracting the cables, walking up the side of the building. When they reached the top, they jumped up, putting their guns away. They quickly high-fived, then ran across the roof, jumping off onto the next building and making their escape.

All according to plan.

**;;;;;**

Zack and Reno stood from the floor, staring out the window as the girls jumped away.

Reno then saw his half-crumpled cigarette lying on the ground, and bent down to pick it up, placing it back between his lips.

"Who the heck were they?" Zack asked, not even trying to hide his confusion.

"Dunno," Reno said. "But apparently they were 'otakus.' Whatever the hell that means. They must've sneaked in here and stolen some Turk uniforms." He shook his head, smiling. "I gotta give 'em props for that. Even we didn't catch on."

Zack looked at him, somewhat surprised that he was so calm. "I'm lost. What exactly did they want?"

"Seems like they wanted to smell us...?"

Zack raised an eyebrow at Reno.

Reno shrugged. "Makes no difference to me."

"What? Why?" Zack asked.

Reno grinned. "'Cause those girls were smokin' _hot_."

Zack sighed and threw his arms in the air in exasperation. "I give up." He turned and walked away.

Reno followed him, still grinning. "Bet you have dreams about that Kallie tonight," he teased.

"Go away, Reno. What about that Takara girl?"

"I can only hope that she will haunt me as I slumber tonight."

Zack rolled his eyes. "You've got a touch of the poet in you, Reno," he said sarcastically.

"Nah, I'll leave that to Genesis. That _is_ his shtick, after all."

"Got that right." Zack shivered slightly. "That was just too weird."

Reno breathed out a cloud of smoke. "Never a boring day here at Shinra Electric Power Company."

Zack blinked for a moment. "Speaking of Genesis, where is he?"

"Now that you mention it," Reno said, thinking, "I haven't seen him for about three days..."

They looked at each other for a moment. Then they shrugged and went their separate ways, the strange attack and the location of the missing SOLDIER all but forgotten.

**;;;;;**

Kallie and Takara stood from their seats as the door opened.

"As you were." Another girl walked past them and sat in the large chair behind the desk.

Takara and Kallie relaxed and took their seats. Takara relaxed so much that she propped her feet up on the desk in front of her.

The new girl rolled her brown eyes, but didn't even attempt to move Takara's feet. "Report," was all she said as she tucked a strand of dark brown hair behind her ear. A nameplate on her desk read _Director Angelica Nakahara_. She was maybe a year or two older than the operatives sitting before her, but held a position in the organization that had to be respected, no matter what her age was.

"Mission accomplished," Kallie said.

"Describe your findings," the director instructed.

Takara thought for a moment, looking up at the ceiling. "Cigarettes and alcohol, mostly. And yet...still pleasant somehow."

Nakahara shifted her gaze to Kallie. "And you?"

"Um..." Kallie said, thinking. "Sort of...indescriable. But totally drool-worthy."

Nakahara pondered this assessment, then nodded. "That is acceptable. You are dismissed."

Takara and Kallie stood, bowed, and left the room. As soon as they left, they immediately started discussing what exactly they'd write on their reports about what they'd...well, smelled.

As soon as the two left, another girl rushed into Nakahara's office.

"Ah, Kayla," Nakahara said.

Kayla bowed, a little out of breath. "You sent for me, Director?"

"Yes. How is our latest acquisition doing?"

"After three days, he's admitted that Otakus are the scariest things on earth, ma'am."

Nakahara smiled, pleased. "Good... We'll have to release him soon, though. Shinra's hallways are just begging to be filled with the sound of his voice quoting _Loveless_ once again. Dismissed."

Kayla bowed again and left as quickly as she'd come, jogging back to the detention cells where the auburn-headed "acquisition" was waiting to be released. And possibly offered counseling.

**As Vietta put it, "SNIFF ATTACK! *glompage* RETREAT RETREAT! *run away and leave them confused*" I couldn't have said it better myself xD We may not have done it that...fiercely, but we did it! hahaha Hope you liked it, Vietta!**

**Oh, and there's a little allusion there in the end to another oneshot coming soon -a giftfic for animecookie fairy (a.k.a. Kayla). Other story allusions include "Steve", "Socks" (That's the one with Reno, Jr. right? *sweatdrop* I'll edit this if I'm wrong haha), and "Gettin' Lucky" by Vietta (and, going along with that, "Revenge With Alien Guts" by moi).**

**And, I don't know if I should point this out, but I wonder if who I vaguely based Director Nakahara on will read this and figure out it's her... Ah, I won't say anything hehe ^.^**

**So what'd you think? Sorry it's rather lengthy. I wanted to get all the important stuff in. Throw your thoughts and comments at me! I'd love to hear 'em! :D**

**'Til next time! Thanks for reading!**


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